i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
