I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
