final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
