Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
