how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
