Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
