what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
