No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Randomize
