I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
