You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
