if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
