It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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