I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
