Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
