dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
