Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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