Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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