Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
