we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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