Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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