Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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