Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
