just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
