Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
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