"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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