There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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