ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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