im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
