Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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