well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
