Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
