the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Alive.
So much puke
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
