At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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