Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My feet surprised me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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