If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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