Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
