He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
