Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
