Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
