Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
