the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
