I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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