i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
