Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
