Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
