I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
