dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
