help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
