Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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