the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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