oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
