yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
