i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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