Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
