I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
