Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
this will be a night to untag.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
