you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize