I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
