Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
