i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
