So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
