I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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