So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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