Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
