pop tarts are not kleenex
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
