after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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