I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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