I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
