GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize