my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
