Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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